I am the father of the non-cult (b)oyfriend (now her husband) in the letter. Everything you say is true, but what you didn’t know, couldn’t know, is the devastation that she has brought on my family. I paid for their entire wedding, their rings, their honeymoon, an entire new wardrobe for her, and within months of their marriage, she had reconciled with family, and is dragging my son into the clutches of this cult. When her parents turned her out on the street at age 17, they threatened me with legal prosecution if I gave her aid in any way. I told them that i simply could not turn my back on someone so helpless, and so obviously in need. Now that she has secured my son and reconciled with her family, she disapproves of my life as a doctor (a dentist), as well as my girlfriend’s life as a cosmetologist. My relationship with my oldest son Spencer has been all but destroyed by the demands and brainwashing that her family and her church have taught her to do. None of her family came to the wedding. It was my honor to serve as my sons best man at his wedding as well as walking the bride down the aisle to give her away to my son. She currently is constantly undermining my ability to raise my remaining three children. Whenever they go over to Spencer and Jessie’s house, she “borrows” their phone and erases my girlfriends number, blocks her from their Facebook pages, and generally undermines any attempts at my son and my reconciliation. My son obviously tries to maintain contact with me, but even though we only live a few blocks apart, he can’t come over here without immediately being scolded and compelled to come “home” to her. It’s ironic that they claim to be Jewish and yet they wanted me to throw their daughter out into the street when she was looking for shelter. Have they forgotten the Holocaust? Fortunately not all Europeans shared this belief in WWII. She was literally living in my daughter’s closet for some time because she didn’t want me, or my then wife, to get into any trouble. I literally was hiding away a Jewish girl in my closet for months while her parents played them role of the Nazis and the SS. It was crazy! Now my son can barely have any relationship with me because she disapproves of our lifestyle! My son now works at the opportunity center in Redmond OR as a tutor to the disabled adults that live there. Oddly enough, Jesse’s (the niece) mother is my son’s supervisor! It goes deeper, much deeper than I could possibly convey in this letter. it would be a book. Thank you for sharing her story. It was a tragedy to my family and destroyed my second marriage, and greatly strains my current relationship. Feel free to write back or call me anytime should you have any questions or need additional information. Thank you for publishing this story, I hope it can save another family from going through what my family is currently going through.
Thank You, DR. T.J. Higbee
Editors note: The author of this letter wrote me back with further information. Below is the content of that letter.
I do believe this other story to be about Jesse and my son Spencer, who is in no way a “bum” as a previous author described. He was at one point, the hero in this story, bringing Jesse to our home on her 18th birthday (he was still 5 months from turning 18) because her parents were threatening her with sending her back East to become a bride in an arranged marriage. Spencer never has been a bum, but he is currently caught in the clutches of his marriage to a girl who is edging closer and closer to bringing him into the church’s folds.She has apparently fully reconciled with her parents, and the church as well. Attached is a picture of their wedding party, as well as a picture of me walking my soon to be daughter-in-law down the aisle because her father (as well as the rest of her family, save one sister) refused to attend the wedding. Spencer has never been a “bum” and I’m not sure who wrote that about him, but they only look foolish to anyone who knows him. He works full time, attends school, and keeps Jesse living “the good life” with little to no help from anyone else. Thank you for your information.
-Dr. T.J. Higbee
Is this a current event, unraveling as we speak, or a blast from the past?
I have often said that I didn’t even begin to learn ethics. and ethical treatment of fellow human beings until I left WCG. The behavior that Dr. Higbee is describing is appallingly all too typical. When leaders are narcissistic, members who are encouraged to imitate them also develop narcissistic personalities. WCG wrote the book on narcissistic spirituality! Anybody whose lives are closely linked to most Armstrongites find themselves being co-dependent!
BB
Bob,
This is a current event.
Well, it’s horrible! I wonder if the people who throw around their “Apostle’s” all purpose word ( bitterness) ever take into consideration the fact that their churches constantly refresh that bitterness by continuing to indulge in such irrational, inhumane, toxic behavior. It’s just sickening. A person sheds bitterness, forgives the spiritual rapists, and then has to keep hearing about these demonic activities that are still happening in the Armstrong churches yet today, in spite of a societal evolution which should have made this stuff impossible. These parents don’t belong in a white collar offenders’ federal pen like Ron Weinland, they belong in a jail for people who have committed violent crimes!
BB
My pre-WCG family situation – with my father from a Catholic family and mother a Protestant one – was nowhere near as bad as in the WCG, and probably more common. My mother would tell me how she had to be remarried in a Catholic ceremony, and promise that any children would be Catholic. Interesting about the “promise” as I was the only child raised Catholic.
I was “shunned” to a degree by my mother’s family, especially my grandmother, who seems extremely anti-Catholic. Of course I was the favorite grandchild of my father’s family for being a good Catholic boy.
When my father changed over to my mother’s church, he didn’t mention it to his family. I was kept in the dark until the day I was told we would all be going to a Protestant church, and it was very upsetting to me. My parents also didn’t want me to mention anything to my father’s relatives.
When my father’s relatives learned of the change, there was a big lecture from his aunt about the promises made, leaving the “true” Catholic church, etc. From then on, there was less contact with his family, and I was more “accepted” by my mother’s relatives, particularly my grandmother.
When my parents took us to see Fiddler on the Roof, my father was a little critical of the way Tevye disowned his daughter Chava when she married a Russian Orthodox boy. This probably reminded him of the way he was treated by his relatives when he left the Catholic church.
Post-WCG, in the Jewish community I was involved with, I met a lady who was “disowned” by her parents when she married a non-Jew. She said they went through a ritual burial ceremony, as she had “died” to them. (Like Rabbi Krustovsky on the Simpsons, who said “I have no son!” when Herschel became Krusty the Klown.) After the lady had a son, her husband left (he was a closet gay, and had “come out”), and the lady returned to Synagogue and raised her son as a Jew. She was then accepted back into her family.
Just a side note, the lady’s mother, besides being strictly Orthodox was very anti-German. She was the only prominent member of the community not to drive a Mercedes.
That’s pretty bad, Hoss. But, the striking aspect to this is that while mainstream churches often had one or two bad practices, and then for the most part were pretty much normal, Armstrongism was a confluence of all the worst imaginable practices. Also, picking Catholics as being somewhat typical, you would find wide divergence across the membership in terms of being observant. In Armstrongism, being extreme in observancy was being what they called “Philadelphian”.
But, you are right, orthodox peoples in all religions can be very extreme, and it is often most difficult for the children. Here in my state, there is significant Mormon population. It’s a crime the way the real observant ones treat inactive ones, and any of the kids who are known to be gay. There is shunning, and forced homelessness involved in the LDS community as well.
BB