A Christmas story!
Every Who down in Pasadena loved Christmas a lot.
But Herbert the Grinch who lived in the High Castle did not!
Herbert hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right. (Yep!)
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two or three sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve hating the Whos,
Staring down from his office with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town,
For he knew every Who down in Pasadena beneath,
Was busy now hanging a hollywho wreath.
“And they’re hanging their stockings,” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his crusty fingers nervously drumming,
“I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!
For, tomorrow, I know all the unconverted girls and boys
Will wake bright and early. They’ll rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
There’s one thing I hate! All that wailing Led Zeppelin NOISE!
They’ll stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’ll stand hand-in-hand, and those unconverted Whos will start singing!”
Fahoo forays, dahoo dorays
Welcome Christmas! Come this way
Fahoo forays, dahoo dorays
Welcome Christmas, Christmas Day
Welcome, welcome, fahoo ramus
Welcome, welcome, dahoo damus
Christmas Day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to clasp
Fahoo forays, dahoo dorays…
“And they’ll sing! And they’ll sing! And they’ll SING! SING! SING! SING!”
And the more Herbert thought of this Who Christmas Sing,
The more the old pedophile shouted, “I must stop this whole thing!
Why for who knows how many years I’ve put up with it now!
I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?”
“Pooh-Pooh to the kids!” he was seriously humming.
“They’re finding it out now that now Christmas is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hung open for a minute or two,
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
Decrepit Herbert got a wonderful, awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” Herbert the Grinch laughed in his throat.
“I’ll make a booklet, perverting the thing!”
“Old Herbie the Grinch worked and toiled,
To produce something before Christmas, in order to spoil.
Then he screamed from his perch something so vile,
Announcing his new booklet would take away the smiles.
Where the little Who stockings hung all in a row.
“These stockings,” the parents would say, “are the first things to go!”
Around the whole room, they took every present!
Pop Guns! And bicycles! Checkerboards and Tricycles!
Herbert rubbed his hand together and smiled,
Soon I will have taken away THEIR smiles!
Then all those kids in Pasadena will all cry Boo-Hoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned Herbert the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused, And put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
He stared down at Pasadena with a tear in his eye!
Knowing what he did, had to be one hell of a surprise!
Every kid in Pasadena, the tall and the small,
Was singing at church, Without any presents at all!
He had stopped Christmas from coming! He gleefully thought!
The children would have nothing just as I want!
And Herbert, with his naked feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood in awe: “I knew I could make it so!”
“The day came without ribbons!” “Came without tags!”
“It came without packages, boxes or bags!”
And he puzzled for three hours till his puzzler was sore.
Then Herbert the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
“No way” he thought, “if I give them two inches or even a day”,
“They will stop giving me what’s mine and drive me away!”
And what happened then? Well…in Pasadena they say,
That Herbert Armstrong’s small heart shrunk three more times that day!
