This of course is a rerun from eleven years ago from the old Ambassador Watch website…
Christmas greetings from us to Ted
Hope you wake up in the right bed
Be of good cheer
The end is near
If this card is returned we’ll know you’ve fled.
Norman
Spare a Thought
Saint Rod
Spare a thought for Uncle Rod who gets no Xmas cheer
And likewise Uncle Gerry receives no seasonal beer
Will Feast of Tabernacles stocks suffice to see them through
Or will empty cellars give them shocks and fill them full of rue?
For those who keep us “chastened” are worthy of reward
And they should get some funds to “Christmas” stocks afford
Come ye of empathetic vein and give a helping hand
Bestow a large donation that perhaps was never planned
Write a check for charity’s sake and send it soon away
Our heroes can’t be sober at all on Christmas Day
A little wine is good for stomach and also general health
Let’s give our boys a hand and let them spend some wealth
Woe to those who will not tithe or with their money part
They are for perdition bent and of the hardest heart
Gerald in the spirit!
Beware the “IDES OF FLURRY”, a terrible time in store
Cough up now, all ye who stall, and give them ever more
Your dollars are not wasted by those so ever short
Great liquors oft are tasted, in fact as well as port
Whether of season, in or out, our champions must be fed
Champagne of finest note in which they dunk their bread
For they are worthy of the best and nothing is denied
An increment all double they would have us provide
And if our conscience is all mean, let’s give a holiday toast
To Uncles Rod and Gerry, but then in hell we roast?
Seamus
God’s little angel
Gerry the red-nosed pastor,
had a very shiny nose…
And if you ever saw it,
you would even say it glows.
All of the other despots,
used to laugh and call him names…
They wouldn’t let poor Gerry,
join in any power games.
Then one foggy power play,
from the mother church he ran away.
Gerry with your nose so bright,
won’t you have another bud light?
Then how the despots loathed him,
as they shouted out with blame…
Gerry the red-nosed pastor, he’s too “stoned” to play their game.
Steve
Does Santa endorse David?
HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS
Here Comes Gerry, Here Comes Gerry
Past the prayer rock lane
Here comes Gerry , Here comes Gerry
Yelling we ain’t the same
Mouth is flapping
Mysteries zapping
Strength from all who go round
Going for Dave and in a rage
Ol Gerry’s taking Dave down.
Here Comes Gerry, Here Comes Gerry
Up to David C Pack
Oh what a hussle, oh what a tussle
Gimmme my members back!
Cause you done stole them
Then you rolled them
Of funds sure destined for me.
You’re a liar
Pants on fire
Just give those souls to me.
Here Comes David, Here Comes David
Angels sing on High
He’s real tall so Gerry’s small
The fur is going to fly
Don’t you love it
Let’s not covet
We can share the loot
Don’t get crazy
Say their lazy
One might start to shoot.
So here comes Gerry, Here Comes David
Only one can win
One’s Elijah, one’s Apostle
We just need one sin
Please oh Please drink three or four beers
Drive like mad to your Church
Or declare that you are God now
So we can all just wretch.
There goes Gerry, There goes David
Hey guys what’s up now?
We are God’s men, you offend us
We will zap you wow
We’re the two you’ve heard about
I’m one and Gerry’s two
That’s not so, It’s you that’s two
And on and on it goes……..
Dennis Dieh
Spare a Thought
Spare a thought for Uncle Rod who gets no Xmas cheer
And likewise Uncle Gerry receives no seasonal beer
Will Feast of Tabernacles stocks suffice to see them through
Or will empty cellars give them shocks and fill them full of rue?
For those who keep us “chastened” are worthy of reward
And they should get some funds to “Christmas” stocks afford
Come ye of empathetic vein and give a helping hand
Bestow a large donation that perhaps was never planned
Write a check for charity’s sake and send it soon away
Our heroes can’t be sober at all on Christmas Day
A little wine is good for stomach and also general health
Let’s give our boys a hand and let them spend some wealth
Woe to those who will not tithe or with their money part
They are for perdition bent and of the hardest heart
Beware the “IDES OF FLURRY”, a terrible time in store
Cough up now, all ye who stall, and give them ever more
Your dollars are not wasted by those so ever short
Great liquors oft are tasted, in fact as well as port
Whether of season, in or out, our champions must be fed
Champagne of finest note in which they dunk their bread
For they are worthy of the best and nothing is denied
An increment all double they would have us provide
And if our conscience is all mean, let’s give a holiday toast
To Uncles Rod and Gerry, but then in hell we roast?
Seamu
Â
Rebel without a Claus
Don’t be so Claustrophobic!
I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it, link by link and yard by yard, while on Earth, and now I will never be rid of it, any more than you will ever be rid of yours!Â
Mankind should be our business, Ebenezer, but we seldom attend to it… as you shall see. –Jacob Marley’s Ghost
To get you in the Christmas spirit, here is a list of some of the potential crimes and violations of federal law Saint Nick as he prepares to take flight for 2016.
1. The Reindeer Act
Many have tried finding Santaâs workshopâwithout successâbut children have long mailed letters to the Santa Claus House located at 101 St. Nicholas Drive in North Pole, Alaska. This office location is the first source of trouble for Father Christmas. Under the Reindeer Act, signed into law by President Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1937, only Alaska Natives are allowed to own reindeer in Alaska.
While Santa has been operating out of the North Pole for many years, only Eskimos, Indians, and Aleuts inhabiting Alaska at the time the United States purchased the land from Russia are considered natives under the act, and Saint Nicholas is from the Greek village Patara in modern-day Turkey. Luckily for Santa, he might be able to avoid the $5,000 fine for violating this provision of the Code of Federal Regulations, but only if he applies for and is granted a special use permit to possess reindeers as a non-native.
2. The Lacey Act
Even if Santa gets around the Reindeer Act, he may face civil and criminal penalties under the Lacey Act if his purchase, sale, possession, or use of reindeerâor any other flora or faunaâ violates any state or federal law or the law of any foreign nation, no matter what language or code that foreign law is written in.
Just as some unwitting Americans have been convicted of offenses such as the
âimportation of Caribbean spiny lobsters from Hondurasâ in violation of Honduran packaging laws, Santa could be committing a crime each time he crosses borders to deliver flora or fauna.
3. Flying Without a License
Despite Santaâs many years of experience, there is no Mr. Claus listed in the Federal Aviation Administrationâs pilot certificates database. If Santa is piloting his sleigh without an airmanâs certificate, he is in violation of 49 U.S.C. § 46317.
Any pilot who operates an aircraft without a proper license is guilty of a federal crime punishable by three years in prison (the sleigh would almost certainly be deemed an aircraft under 49 U.S.C. § 40102(a)(6)). And that is only for Santaâs role as a pilot. If his sleigh is not deemed airworthy, Santa will be in violation of 14 C.F.R. § 91.7 and subject to additional civil penalties by the FAA.
If Santaâs sleigh is approved, he then must post âwithinâ the âaircraftâ a copy of the registration, airworthiness certificate, and other official documents, to be displayed âat the cabin or cockpit entrance so that it is legible to passengers or crew,â per 14 C.F.R. § 91.203(b); the sleighâs baggage compartment must be installed subject to Subsection C with a copy of FAA Form 337 authorizing such installation maintained on board the sleigh; and all fuel venting and exhaust emissions must meet additional requirements.
Hopefully Santa has a good compliance team.
4. False Statements
Any white lie that falls within the jurisdiction of the U.S. government could be a federal crime. As Heritage scholars have written elsewhere, there is one general federal statute for false statements that âshould be broad enough to reach any fib or whopper that the federal government could have a good reason to prosecute.â
But there are dozens more specific criminal statutes that punish false statements regarding such minutiae as fluid milk products. If Santa parks his sleigh on federal land and encounters a park ranger while coming down the chimney, heâd better not tell a fib about what heâs up to or he could end up in big trouble. (He would also be violating another federal law if he parks his sleigh in a way that inconveniences another person on federal land, but I digress.)
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg once observed that, under federal false statement statutes, âthe prospect remains that an overzealous prosecutor or investigatorâaware that a person has committed some suspicious acts, but unable to make a criminal caseâwill create a crime by surprising the suspect, asking about those acts, and receiving a false denial.â
Here, once Santa gets off the ground, his real legal trouble is only just beginning. A government agent need only ask Santa if he committed burglary, trespass, or larceny, or ask him, âAre you really Santa Claus?â In that case, Santa really would need a Miracle on 34th Street to stay out of the slammer for lying.
5. IRS Tax Gift
Even if Santa evades capture during his Christmas Eve flight, he then must deal with Uncle Sam upon his return to the North Pole. Under IRS gift tax rules, the giver of gifts above a certain threshold is taxed at a rate up to 40 percent of the value of the gift. While individuals are allowed to make gifts up to $14,000 per recipient without encountering any tax consequencesâmost toy trucks and dolls would probably fit under this exemptionâgifts above the limit must be reported on IRS Form 709.
As such, each time Santa drops off a shiny new BMW for mom or dad, he will be on the hook for an even bigger tax bill on April 15. Willful failure to file a gift tax return can land Santa in prison for up to one year under 26 U.S.C. § 7203. Let no good deed go unpunished.
The List Goes On
While those are just a few examples of how Santa may be held criminally and civilly liable for violating U.S. law, there are several other ways in which he operates in legal gray areas.
For instance, how does Santa compensate all of his elves who are working around the clock to finish making toys before the big day? If they are not receiving proper overtime pay in a safe work environment, Santa will be in violation of numerous provisions of the Fair Labor Standards Act. Finally, given the size of his operation, Santa must be complying with the Affordable Care Actâs employer mandate.
If Santa cannot even stay in line with every single government rule and regulation, how is the average American supposed to keep up? Attorney Harvey Silverglate argues that the average American unwittingly commits three felonies a day due to vague laws and governmental overreach.
The American peopleâand Mr. Clausâdeserve better. Heritage scholars have identified a comprehensive strategy to combat the problem of overcriminalization, which threatens liberty by using the criminal law and penalties to attempt to solve every problem in society and compel compliance with regulatory schemes.