The Royal Blue Satin Dress. Part Five.

Part 5. Conclusion.

As to Ambassador College, whose motto was… recapturing true values. What? I could get this kind of sorry treatment slogging along the streets of downtown Cincinnati as a young working woman. Any businessman could make an offer, some did. I walked on. I surely would have been much better off to have kept my job in Cincinnati and lived downtown also dated the handsome, courteous businessmen who offered me their seats on buses and their umbrellas at bus stops.

During those torrid three wasted years of my youth during my incarceration at the Ambassador College Campus, I surely wished I could have conjured up a coach going anywhere away from there. The cult taught that there is NO Hell, I beg to differ, for me AC in an isolated part of Texas was hell and it was real. I longed for a pumpkin coach, a wild ride out of Dodge with me on board the “pumpkin coach” I would have relished that. The constant and daily abuse caused my human nature “self” to develop a lot of rage. I did not know I was capable of that kind of hatred.

In the long run I found out God really does love me and my life took a U turn to happiness. I apologize, that this is not a funny story on the face of it, but in my shoes. looking back, I shake my head and I do laugh at times and say out loud ….what in the world was that AC experience all about “for me?” It is what it is, we don’t always get what we want when we want it. We are fortunate to find security and happiness in this life, which I did.

In my fanciful way, I still believe in happy endings and I am grateful every day for my loving husband and for devoted friends and family. My husband was the only man who treated me like a lady (especially not an invisible one.) He was NOT an Ambassador College student, however, he was a member of the local congregation of the World Wide Church of God gathered at a Vet’s Hall on Winton Road in Cincinnati, Ohio. He is five years older than me, he “grew up” on his Navy stint, prior to my meeting him, service can turn a young man into a REAL man. I do not approve of war. Not that I disapprove of self-defense, I don’t like political wars. I love those so willing to serve and sacrifice. I see soldiers as trapped and their lives being wasted.

My husband had also been hurt in his past, desperately so. While he was unselfishly serving his country, his young bride wanted a divorce, she wrote to him and told him she never loved him, not ever. She wanted to be free to do whatever pleased her lusts and trust me those lusts became lurid. Her lifestyle took her to her grave.

He became engaged to a pretty young lady from Florida. Both he and his new found love were members of this cult. Well, along came Jones, or I mean a minister of the cult, who ended this little “to be” HAPPY STORY. Oh yes, he knew suffering, up close and personal. He was and is kind and considerate of me, approving of my tastes and who I am and yes my looks too. He lets me be myself, always giving me room to do that. He says to me daily, “let me look at that beautiful face.” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, he knows my inner beauty. I am amazed by his talents and his unselfish kindness. He truly knows how to make a woman feel beautiful, feminine and not invisible, like a real flesh and blood desirable female. No one ever treated me like that in my whole life. I was a fanciful and feisty young woman.

My husband provided me with dinners, soft lighting, along with sweet roses, good conversation, a sparkling notion began in grow in me. I began to entertain a fantasy that perhaps this was true romance, the way I dreamed of, only when I ALLOWED myself to think about that… in my romantic imaginings. I felt that (Cinderella) best not go there, too far from the reality of WHAT my life was, after all there was that LIST and the list said otherwise, I was not entitled to happiness, I was a reject. The list was penned by people who ought to know, special chosen SERVANTS of God!! What if HE found out that I had a criminal record, condemned by God’s only Real College where the elect were chosen. I was on a list of the condemned souls, those girls determined by the Holy Men to be unworthy. Ghastly creatures, not worthy to reproduce little mindless robots with heads full of mush. If HE found out, would he see me in the same way if he knew the truth about me? Would I still appear pretty to him and intelligent enough?

I felt utter shame. How could I confess this to my admirer? In a beautiful restaurant with plush velvet chairs and tapestry drapes, we were sitting near a fountain, and I told him about my past and that he should consider doing better. I confessed that I had been determined to be unfit by this church we both attended and worse than that, that final decision had been made where THE CULT WAS CREATING MINISTERS AND THEIR WIVES, sending their smiling sincere faces out to spread the Unholy word. To my relief and pleasure, HE told me I was lovely and honest and should I have the desire to wear lace gloves and chiffon, he would approve of me in any and all ways.

My husband adores me. I can look as different and be as different as I want to be, sporty, modern, old fashioned, dreaming dreams, it would be alright with him to just be ME! I have had his adoration and I have been blessed with it for 46 years. I dare not speak out loud about everything I want, my husband will get it for me.

I have learned to be more appreciative of the little things in life, the bigger things too, like a loving home and a white picket fence. I am more courteous in a sincere way and more helpful to those in need. I learned I had to be socially bankrupt and feel the sting of rejection to better serve others. That lesson could be well taught, depending upon your status at Ambassador College. One thing is for sure, one will learn these lessons early in life or later. Success, failure, happiness… depends mostly on the individual and his or her commitment to a spiritual purpose and out right honesty with fellow human beings. For me, it really was as simple as that.

I truly hope those I met are well and happy.

As an aside to this true account of a portion of my life, when I returned to Ohio, I applied to GE for work. I was put to work that same day, after the testing and an interview. I was Secretary to the head of GE’s finance group.

Along came The Holy Fall Feast. That is another chapter. I became interested in a Woman’s Center dedicated to body sculpting. I went seven days a week. I might have been a good applicant for “the pretzel lady” in a circus. Body weight 99 pounds. I had money and shopped at high end department stores. One of those stores originated out of Paris. I was a regular there, as in.. I bought nearly all of my clothing, shoes, jewelry and so forth there. To my astonishment I was approached by the Paris staff, asking me to model their clothing. In all I was approached three times to model clothing and or/ be a Cover Girl model for make-up lines. Does one really want to rely on what gravity does to flesh and blood humans for a job opportunity? Something to think about indeed.

While I am NOT a fan of organized religion, I serve and help others. NO one can condemn me. Dear reader, it is so over used, but the phrase “the truth shall set you free” proved to be true for me.

The girl in the Royal Blue Satin Dress.
-Brenda Deaton