To the tune of As Someday it May Happen (I’ve Got a Little List) from The Mikado, Gilbert and Sullivan.
As someday it will happen that some changes must be made,
Just make a little list, you need a little list,
Of unimportant doctrines to rest that can be laid,
And they never need be missed, deny that they exist!
And there’re doctrinal anomalies
That New Truth can correct,
Forgotten dogma you can seize
And put in full effect.
There’s the ever-changing makeup rule
When duplicity’s your game,
And if one day you must retool
Have someone else to blame!
And there are rules like tithing
That you must never touch,
(Just have a special offering
When you want such-and-such.)
But it really doesn’t matter
What you put upon your list,
As long as you persist,
The longer you’ll exist!
Whatever’s on your list
As long you persist
The longer you’ll exist!
How often they must cut their hair
How short a skirt can be
How long to make a closing prayer,
With one statement, two, or three.
If it is “Mister” to a Pastor
Even if he’s half their age;
If giving help in a disaster
Is a misuse of their wage.
Where you want to hold the Feast
And who can give a sermon;
Who to say will be The Beast
(As long as he’s a German.)
So it really doesn’t matter
What’s on or off your list,
As long as you insist
That they obey the list!
As long as you insist
And chastise those who resist
They will obey the list!
Clever!