Garner Ted Hamstrung

The preacher sketch: This was a send-up of a fire & brimstone radio preacher from the USA, Garner Ted Armstrong (who became Garner Ted Hamstrung for the sketch) who was on radio every night condemning sinners to eternal damnation.

The sketch was written and performed by Charles Wooley, of Sixty Minutes fame.

Mined from

Thank you Felix!

10 Replies to “Garner Ted Hamstrung”

  1. OK, so this is apparently the version that was popular in the Crown countries, and it’s been preserved.

    When I was a student at AC, one of my dorm mates told us an ominous tale of an ill-fated similar sketch that had been performed on the Grand Ol’ Opry during the early ’60s. It opened with “Greetings friends around the world! This is Gagner-fed Hamstrung bringing you the plain truth about today’s world conditions, and the prophecies of the world tomorrow!”

    Allegedly, shortly after this skit, country music stars that were part of the G.O.O. began to die off like flies, as if under a curse. At the time I was told this, it almost made sense, because of recent memories of the plane crash that had killed Patsy Cline, Cowboy Copas, and Hawkshaw Hawkins, all stars of the Grand Ol’ Opry.

    We can know today that it was not a curse, but a simple plane crash, because if God killed people for speaking out against the Armstrongs, some of us around here would have been dead years ago. We’d also be dead from the curses Ron Weinland and Dave Pack regularly pronounce.

    Apparently, GTA was satirized on numerous occasions. He was mentioned in a song that was popular in the ’60s by the Bonzo Dog Band.


  2. It seems GTA made a mockery out of religion. If I was a associate back in the day I would have quit. But as it is, the sins of the leader and his philandering son are soon forgotten by those who bow the knee before them.

  3. Yep! My personal favorites are the classic articles “In Bed with Garner Ted”, and “Garner Ted Armstrong, America’s Playboy Evangelist”.

    When a district attorney is disbarred, all of the cases he ever prosecuted are generally reviewed and/or appealed. I would think that nothing less would be appropriate in the case of GTA. Every sermon the man ever gave is questionable. As are all of his teachers, their methods of research, and all that they taught. The whitewash spin is that the corruption began and ended with him. But, we know that nothing happens for twenty years in a vacuum.


  4. GTA was one of my last stops out of Armstrongism. Later I did review some of his material and found it was mostly personality driven – something Mark can’t do, and can only recycle.
    But take away the GTA touch, and the scholarship is so shallow, with factual and Biblical errors, and out of date references. Mark should check the “re-use-by” date on the booklets and articles he dangles on the ICG website – there was one offered a few months ago that still contained references to the threat of Saddam and his WMDs!

  5. Mark Armstrong had a booklet that still contained references to the threat of Saddam and his WMD’s? WOW. Sounds like some of his staff is a bit lazy. I have often wondered whether Mark really wanted to take this course in life, following his father in the church. Was he pressured? Did he have other hopes and dreams? Or, was it just to damn easy to fall into it? Never met him, so I can’t say, but perhaps some of your readers knew him well enough to comment.

    1. I can say that I don’t know. What Mark does may be laziness or just not giving a shit. Who can say?

      It was his grandfathers business. If he want’s to carry on with it he needs to express some initiative in doing so.

  6. Mark recently mentioned on his weekly rant and rave page that someone redesigned the GTAEA website. And it now includes Chinese, French and Spanish. If the Chinese language page is intended for China, I can say who in China gives a dim sim for some of the topics listed.
    And in the corner of the homepage appears to be the CGI logo, not ICG.

    1. Christianity is only allowed in a state sponsored church in China. If Mark got some Chinaman to ever join, the Chinese would have the Christian killed.

  7. D’oh! FWIW, the new page wasn’t in Chinese, it’s Japanese. Same comment about lack of topic appeal though, unless Mark was hoping some of Grampa’s Japanese sons were still around.
    And the logo is the GTAEA logo, very similar to the CGI logo.
    And for further trivia, the ICG website isn’t accessible in mainland China. Oh no! Internet censorship and persecution!

  8. A few years ago, my mother showed me an urgent appeal for money from the American Bible Society so they could send Bibles to China. And like almost everything else these days, guess where the Bibles were printed!
    A couple of COGs claim some members in Hong Kong, but that area still gets special treatment from China. And I don’t recall seeing anything happening in Taiwan, except in a 1950s PT.

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