California Repents!

The state of California, showing whole hearted repentance by weeping and gnashing of teeth due to the drought of the last 24 months, has reported to have received a gift from God this last winter….

Snow and rain in abundance has filled the reservoirs in California once again, blessing the state with the life giving source of all life. Yes, its true. California has an abundance of water, and we have no doubt of this because of the ministry of Bob Thiel and others who preach the same punishment theology!

NOT!

From the news we read:

Officials in Northern California released water down the reconstructed spillway of the nation’s tallest dam on Tuesday, more than two years after it crumbled during heavy rains and forced thousands of homes to be evacuated over fears of catastrophic flooding.

Water flowed down the spillway and into the Feather River; storms this week and melting snowpack are expected to swell the lake behind Oroville Dam in the Sierra Nevada foothills, said Molly White, principal engineer with the California Department of Water Resources.

The spring storms follow a very wet winter that coated the mountains with thick snowpack; experts say this has left Califonia drought-free for the first time since December 2011. State experts determined Tuesday that the snowpack is at 162 percent of normal levels, a threefold increase over the same measurement last year.

Yes indeed, the gays quit screwing each others, the unmarried stopped living together and the whole lot of California began to read their bibles and keep the feasts found in everyones favorite cookbook, the bible!

If you buy into this, I got a bridge to sell ya!

 

 

One Reply to “California Repents!”

  1. Using religion to take financial advantage of gullible people is not a modern invention, although Scientology may have come close to perfecting the business model.

    Alexander of Abonoteichus beat Jim Jones and Heaven’s Gate by nearly 18 centuries to start a Mediterranean-wide cult based around a hand puppet.

    According to Lucian of Samosata, Alexander’s hoax began around A.D. 160 in his hometown of Abonoteichus, a city known for its gullibility.

    According to Lucian: “When­ever a man but turned up [in Abonoteichus] they were all agog over him on the instant and stared at him as if he were a god from heaven.” This might help explain the success of Alexander’s scheme, which was flimsy at best.

    First, Alexander proclaimed himself the prophet of Glycon (the reincarnation of Asclepius, god of medicine) in the form of a snake with a human-like head (and fabulous hair). Glycon’s cult grew rapidly, even though he was a hand-operated linen puppet who “talked” via an unseen accomplice shouting down a hidden pipe.

    Next, Alexander began to convince rich locals to pay a fortune to receive an oracular prediction from Glycon. He used the cash to develop an extensive spy network, which “allowed him to provide surprisingly accurate answers.” Even Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius asked Glycon to predict the outcome of a military campaign against the Marcomanni. Glycon told the Emperor that a “great victory would be won if two lions were thrown into the Danube.” Marcus Aurelius complied (the lions swam to safety on the opposite bank, where they were clubbed to death by puzzled locals), but the Roman army was still defeated, suffering horrendous casualties.

    Like the famous Oracle of Delphi, Alexander used Glycon’s vagueness as an excuse—for he had not prophesied who the great victory would be for. Of course, the gig couldn’t last forever, and Alexander succumbed to gangrene at the age of 70. Glycon’s religion didn’t long outlast its founder, but every aspiring cult leader should study Alexander’s brash falsehoods for inspiration.

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