The Mad Adventures of HWA……on the other side! Final Chapters 36 – 40

Those who knew the late Herbert W. Armstrong (HWA) and are familiar with his Worldwide Church of God may recall Mr. Armstrong’s approach to his organization and all who he encountered.  Truly, HWA was sole spokesperson and “Apostle” having an exclusive direct line from God.  It is therefore in the truest sense of the word “appropriate” for him to continue to be the sole spokesperson in this satire.


Chapter 36

“Lumps!!! These DAMN lumps!! I can’t sleep! I’ve tried and tried, and these books are just more than I can take!!! I thought maybe if I’d sleep on them like Edgar Cayce did that I could get out of reading them… like HE did… Osmosis would make it soooooo much easier!!! But NOOOOOOOO!!! Not my luck!! I have to READ the damn things… word by word… sentence by sentence… paragraph by paragraph… then HE brings me MORE!!! ‘E.T. 101’ like I’m some kind of kindergartener! Harrumph! Might as well get up and READ!!!!

“Interesting stuff here… sure takes me back beyond the six thousand years I taught of the existence of man on earth… this ‘Origin and Destiny of Man’ … guess I should have studied more books… Whatda ya mean there’s no time like the present to learn? Still another book? Hey, J.C., I couldn’t sleep as it IS with all THESE books to read!!! Whatda ya mean you found the other one you want me to read?!!! Another one??? This one’s a biography about YOU? About your incarnations on earth? Hummmm… THAT might just be interesting, J.C. Lets see it! Says here your name was Amilius when you tried to rescue your brothers and sisters from the physical… you were still a spirit and tried to influence them, but it didn’t work… hummmm… So this book, “Lives of The Master” by Glenn Sanderfur is going to show me some of your incarnations besides that of J.C.? Wow… and your names were different each time, huh? And here there’s stuff about Belial and the Sons of Belial… guess I’ll read this, J.C. Looks really, rEEEEally interesting!!!!

“Hummm… says here you were the Alpha and the Omega… first and last… first in the beginning… helped create the physical bodies for mankind… then your soul was divided… not a rib… mistranslation… hummmm…. rib means ‘side’…. soul divided into twin souls, male and female…. hummmmm so a helpmeet was created and she has reincarnated with you throughout all time? Many times? All from the same Alpha? All ONE. Wow!!! NOT a SEPARATE MOTHER EVE? Not!

“Bits and pieces? Whatda ya mean, J.C.? “Bits and pieces”??? Not all truths are known by anyone… have to read lots of books to find the bits and pieces? Sending me along a trail to discern the bits of truths that have been retained by humankind? Hummm… I should have read more books when I was your Apostle, J.C. I could have… Was never rEEEEEly an apostle? Oh yeah… I forgot… But if I’d known more I… yeah… you’re probably right… If I’d have known more, I’d have used it to confuse the truth even more… Well at least now I’m getting things figured out… And don’t have the MEANS to influence anyone else? Yeah, that’s true, J.C. Not with you ‘readin’ my mail!!! No mail here? Figure of speech, J.C., just a figure of speech… not UP on slang? Ok… I guess we DO understand one another at any rate… Get back to the books? Ok, this is really interesting….

“Oh… you’re back, J.C. To WHAT do I OWE this PLEASURE? Brought me ANOTHER BOOK TO READ!??? Geeeeezus… how can I read all these books? All the time in the world here? This one is huMONgous!!! Hummm…. Manly Hall… actually heard of him, J.C. He was quite a guy… “The Secret Teachings of All Ages”… yeah… borrowed from his work a bit, J.C. heh, heh… Obvious? Oh… didn’t think you’d notice… heh, heh… Hard NOT to? Even the title with a twist? Heh heh… can’t ignore a good thing… huh, J.C.? Yeah, he published through his ‘Philosophical Research Society’ in L.A. We were neighbors at one time, J.C…. J.C.? Where’d he go?

“You’re back! With a visitor? Meet Manly Hall? Just called him from a higher plane? Was reluctant to come down here? Only came because YOU asked him to? Can he autograph his BOOK for me? No??? Why not, J.C.?? These aren’t MY books? Belong to the Hall of Knowledge Library??? Just checked out and must be returned??? Oh… So Mr. Hall, did WE ever have our pictures taken together? No time for nonsense? Had limited time to finish your life’s work? Had to get back here to get ready for your next incarnation? Oh… I see… Me too! But they tell me it’s gonna be awhile…. J.C. here tells me I have a ‘fixated ego’… guess that means it’s gonna take a lot to jostle the pivot point… don’t care to listen to drivel? Not MEANT as an INSULT… just the plain truth?

“Harrumph!! No respect!! I don’t get NO respect. Damn ARROGANT jerks! Just because THEY… just because they made better choices with their free will? Finishing my sentences for me now, huh, J.C.? Filling in the TRUTH where I lack it? Oh… well exCUUUUSSSSE me! I MUST get back to my READING! Harrumph!!!

“Hummmm… says here there was a lot of genetic manipulation in Atlantis…. drones were created… humans genetically manipulated to be slaves… downfall of Atlantis… super technologies too, like today’s world of computers…. misused power to subvert a whole bunch of people and exploit them… hummmm… I wonder if I had anything to do with this in a past life? Maybe that’s where I started this power and control path? EVESdropping again, J.C.? Just wanted to mention that if I want to know for sure, I can sometime check the Akashic Records for all of my incarnations? I might be surprised where my spirit has been? Not every lifetime took me backwards? Advanced my spirit in some? I wouldn’t be this FAR had some NOT been advancement? So I’m not as bad off as I think I am? Not as bad off as I COULD be? Did fulfill some good things out of my lifetime as Herbert W. Armstrong? Caused many people to become DISILLUSIONED with the STATUS QUO and begin to THINK for themselves once they got past the MIND CONTROL? Caused them to advance their spirits? I get credit for all of my karma, both bad AND good? Not ALL BAD? Only God can really weigh it all out because only God has the infinite knowledge of all of our deeds?

“Hey, that’s COOL MAN!!!! God uses people like me to pull the religious rug out from under people because they are complacent and don’t QUESTION what they’ve been told is REALITY? God wants people to SEEK? Too many never seek? Just follow? Get into trouble this way like dumb sheep? Yeah… I’ve heard THAT story, J.C. quite a bit lately…”

Chapter 37

“Harrumph!!!! Now where the hell am I? Just when I was getting used to the idea of reading all these damn books, pooft!!! And I’m here. Hummm… I wonder what this is all about… “Hey you over there!!! DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?? Whatda ya mean you never saw me before? Whatda ya mean I’m ugly?? Whatda ya mean uglier than my photographs? Where’d you ever see my photographs? Whatda ya mean in the Worldwide News? Who the hell are you? Oh, just one of my devotees? Oh, so you DO KNOW who I am?!!! How DO you DO? Whatda ya mean, What the hell do I care? Never cared before, why the hell should YOU CARE now?

“Harrumph!!! What a sour puss! Reach out to TOUCH someone and they bite you! I’ll just find my own way around here and see what is going on… Hey you!! Nurse!!! You in the uniform!! What’s the name of this place? Hey, can’t you hear me??? I’m Herbert W. Arm…………. Oh, you know me, heh heh… glad somebody does…. tell me miss, who are all these people? Whatda ya mean I should recognize all of them? I never saw them before in my life!! Whatda ya mean they were all part of my church?

“So, what am I supposed to do? Now they’re all staring at me! Hey, guys, gals, just keep your distance… not too close now…. I’ll sign autographs for each of you, just give me time… Hey nurse!! Got a pen? How about some paper too? Whatda ya mean you’re not looking for autographs…. you want what? Oh, you are looking for autographs… only on checks??? Oh. You want your money back? Oh, heh heh… there is no money… I spent it all!!! Heh heh… hey go look… heh heh…. down in Pasadena… Big Sandy… Joey got it all folks…. honest!!! Just go take a look… Hey fellas…. I’m, broke…

“Let me outa here!!!!! HaaalllPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! Sommmmmmmmebody!!! Get me outta this place!!! These people are all nuts!!! I wanna go home!!!!

“What the hell do you mean, I should click my heels together? Worked for you? Huh? Dorothy? From the Wizard of Oz? No of course I wouldn’t mistake you for my daughter!!! Whatda ya mean I’m the original tin man–no heart!!!? Whatda ya mean, you’re the one with the magic wand now and can use it to send me where? What did you say? I can go to ……………………… Oh shit! Back here again!!! Damn that bitch!

“Heh… heh.. howdy folks…. Yeah, just passing through… heh heh…. oh sure Belial… you’ve got my number on your list… heh heh… so does everybody got my number these days…. I was just visiting with Dorothy and she zapped me and here I am…. Stop laughing!!! It is NOT funny!!!

“Whatda ya mean she swiped the wicked witch’s wand? Where the hell am I anyway? Whatda ya mean Oz? Who the hell created THIS fantasy? Why am I in their fantasy? Whatda ya mean I drove them nuts? Whatda ya mean that since I drove them nuts now I can live with them in la la land??? Whatda ya mean these are the dumb sheep of Worldwide who lost their minds? Whatda ya mean they can’t hear the voice of the good shepherd because all they hear is what I programmed them to hear?

“Sure, blame ME for all their stupidity!!!! Blame me because all they hear is fairy tales. Blame me because their pied piper is ME? What the hell do you mean, I’m the Pied Piper? Oh shit!!! Now they’re following me…. Where the hell can I go?? Got the whole damn string of them behind me… wonder if they’ll follow me out here…. sure, here they come…. hummmm… nice grounds… reminds me of Ambassador College campus with all this green grass and gardens…. hummmm … what’s this? Oh, a sign…. hummm… it is Ambassador.. WHAT THE HELL???????? AMBASSADOR INSANE ASYLUM??????????????????????????

“Holy Shit!!! How’d I get here? Dorothy’s free will zapped me here? She was one of the dumb sheep that lost her way? She lost all her marbles because she followed me? Heh heh… not her sheep? Oh, she’s not little Bo-Peep… heh heh… Whatda ya mean, Shadup? Who do you think YOU are telling Herbert W. Armstrong to Shadup? Oh, you’re the LION, huh?? Got your courage now, heh heh… can tell me off, you dumb pussy cat… heh heh…

“Woops!!! At least I fell on some straw… oh… The STRAW MAN SCARECROW……… well, exCCCUUUUUUSSSSSSSEEEEE me. I didn’t mean to squash you, heh heh….

“I wanna go home…. I wanna go home… I wanna go home…. Whatda ya mean if I wasn’t so fat I wouldn’t have to lay on the ground to click my heels together! Stop laughing, dammit!!!! How else can I get outta here??????

Whatda ya mean, just say the word and I’m…………. gone. Oh. Shit. I forgot!”

Chapter 38

“Well, well, well, what the hell!!! Whatda ya doin’ here Stan? Its been so damn long since we rubbed shoulders!!! Last time, let’s see… was that on my jet over the Pacific, or maybe over in Thailand?? Heh heh… So what the hell are you doin’ in my neighborhood, Stan? Just havin’ a ‘near death experience’? No shit! As near death as you can get? Hey man, you’re dead! Well I’ll be a son-of-a-bitch!!! I didn’t think I’d see you for a damn long time. You’re in good company Stan! Why just the other day I ran into Trechak again. That snoop won’t ever get off my case!!! And I took a trip to oz, and ran into all the folks there in la la land! You wouldn’t believe it Stan, all the crap I’ve had to put up with here!

“Well, well, well Stan the man! I just can’t believe my eyes… Here you are, big as life, and maybe now I’ll get some action around here! I need a damn good lawyer after all the shit they’re putting me through here! Oh? You’re not for hire? You’ve been behaving yourself for awhile since I’ve been outa your life? You’re shittin’ me man! Heh heh!! Oh, for a minute there you had me goin‘!!! You found out that you couldn’t take it with ya, huh? Ya, I know whatcha mean Stan. …all that nice green stuff… gone with the wind.

“Oh look out, Stan! Duck behind here… here comes that damn Joe. He thinks he’s still the big cheese, my heir to the empire! Nobody wants to tell him he’s got enough karmic debt to last him quite a few rounds on the ‘wheel’… Whatda ya mean he won’t be spinnin’ past me cuz I’ve got the award for the most reruns? Stop laughing, Stan. It’s not funny. Not funny at all. Besides, you haven’t even been oriented yet to this place. Look out when old J.C. gets hold of you! You’ll be bucklin’ to his whims in no time. Oh shit. Soon as I thought it, there he comes.

“No! I was not leading this newcomer astray, J. C.!! Who me? Lead a lawyer astray? Naw, J.C. I was just thinking of hiring him as my attorney here so I could get some of you guys off my case! Whatda ya mean there ain’t no legal ‘reps’ in this place? Most of them toasting awhile, heh heh, with the old man with the pitch fork? Heh heh?

“Insolent? No, J.C. I didn’t mean to be insolent! I was just funnin’ ‘im! Ole Stan and me are old buds! Oh, you knew that! Ya, you would. No, I’m not going to sell him a bill of goods! Whatda ya mean, ‘in cahoots’? Whatda ya mean the two of us are mirror images of the worst of the worst? Whatda ya mean I have to take him on the orientation tour? Oh no! Don’t tell me I have to introduce him to all those damn holier-than-thou nut cases that I was dealin’ with yesterday?

“You wouldn’t believe who I’ve met here, Stan! Why the devil himself met me at my door! He even escorted me to his place a few times… heh heh… but didn’t want me there. Nobody here likes me much, Stan. Sure is good to have a good buddy again. Whatda ya mean I’m an old fool? Stan, don’t you like me anymore either? After all we meant to one another? Why I would never have been able to rub shoulders with all those mucky muck entertainers and world leaders if you hadn’t been there to arrange all that…

“Oh, and Stan, the pork chops here are great! Have ‘em for breakfast every day! Oh! I forgot you’re Jewish, Stan. I forgot you’re really really Jewish and not one of my ‘converts’ to psuedo-Judaism even if we did baptize you a time or two just for the sheep’s sake. Oh for Pete’s sake, Stan. Lighten up!

“Got any news from back home? Did you ever run into any of the old gang before you ended up here? Lots of them are here now too, Stan… just like you and me. There are a few though that are livin’ high on the hog. Stole my whole show, Stan. Hootin’ and a holleran’ from the pulpits. They took everything of mine and some watered it down and spread it thin, and some tightened it up and are worse than I ever thought to be. Real dictators those devils!!! But there ain’t no hurry Flurry and thy Rod and his staff are still pounding their fists!!! Fire and brimstone!!! Heh, heh… ah… the good ole days, Stan….

“Oh J.C., you’re still here….? Nothing to brag about? A couple of scallywags? Lowlifes? Crud of the crop? Aw J.C. lighten up! We’re just gettin’ reacquainted here, Stan and me…. oh alright… I’ll show him the REAL plain truth… follow me Stan. This is gonna hurt me more than it is YOU….”

Chapter 39 

“Well, well, well!!!! What do we have here!? Surprise, surprise, surprise, you old blabbermouth!!! Heh heh!!! So much for my peace and quiet!!! You thought you’d be sleepin’ for a thousand years! And don’t I wish!!! Heh heh heh!!! You’re going to wish you were asleep in the grave like you preached too…. Heh heh … cuz you’re going to be listening to ME for a change!!! Heh heh, and have I got a bunch to tell YOU about this place!!! For once in your life ole Geraldine Watergates, have I got news for you! And look out, you’re never gonna believe who all is up here!! Damn old Trechak had to croak, and he still can’t quit trailing me to make sure I’m living up to the rules and regs here! Caught me the first day he was here chomping my pork chops! That rotten no good son of a… well, you know what I’m talking about Blabberhouse, he never could mind his own business that snoop!!! Ole Joe is here too! The old baton twirler who swiped my Apostleship!!! That son-of-a-gun struts around here like a banty rooster, whining all the time that I had a longer stint than he did. Well, well, well…. I guess nobody had a longer stint than you old man!!! Still preachin’ ad nausea till the very end! Only you abdicated the old trunk-o-the-tree with Junior running the show. Guess there wasn’t room enough for both of you in the old WCG trough!!! Yeah, I’ve been keeping an eye on that old scoundrel! He’s almost as rotten as me, heh heh!!! But of course, no one could walk a mile in my shoes!! Not with what I filled them with, heh heh!!!

“Yeah, No shit, man! You’re gonna encounter lots of folks here that aren’t too happy with your legacy. Why to deceive all those damn sheep…. uh… err… I mean DUMB sheep with that story about me living beyond a normal life span to take all the …tisk tisk.. brethren…to Petra… to the place of safety… heh heh… Safety my ass! With all the heat brewing in the Middle East, you’d have them all fried in the sun and turn them into raisons! Heh heh… if they didn’t get nuked or sprayed with bio-warfare and exterminated!!! While you made off with the big bucks on a fancy jet… heh heh… Of course I know what you intended to do you old son-of-a-bitch! Who’d you think taught you all you know!!! Heh heh!!!!

“Oh yeah, you can eat all the pork chops you want here! Come on into my kitchen and grab a chunk of ‘em outa my freezer, man and fry away. I bet I fried up a dozen pigs when I first got here, man, I was so hungry for my favorite meal…. and all those damn sh…I mean dumb sheep were eating kosher and paying for my pork!! Heh heh!!! Yeah, those were the good old days, GW… oh yeah… now you can’t use your initials ‘cause they stand for the pres…. yeah… how time flies when you aren’t on earth!! Junior running the show back there too I see. Wonder if he’ll make any of my prophecies come true or if I’ll keep my record of 100% zilch! Oh well, I wasn’t much of a prophet, but I sure as hell had fun preachin’ bout the end of the world. Now look out and someone might just push the wrong button and we’ll be crowded up here with all those ‘true believers’… And you think you had to convert the multitudes for the thousand years of the millennium, heh heh. Well, Blubbermouth, guess who gets to listen-up for the next few millennium and to repent of their running off at the mouth!!! Oh, you are criticizing me now????? Is that what I hear, Man?? Well, well, and I thought you were my buddy!!! I ain’t takin’ no responsibility for your crap!!! You believed every word I said? And you think that’s MY fault? Boy have I got news for you!!! And a bridge I’ll sell, real cheap!!

“Oh, Jesus Christ!!! You again!!! Yeah, yeah, I know he’s new here!! Oh, give YOU a chance to straighten him out before I corrupt him some more?! You mean he could be corrupted more than I already did? Oh, shut up? You’re telling me to shut up, Jesus Christ? Well Jesus Christ!! I never shut up for anybody! Until now. Mmmm Grsmym bsmfwwumph!

“Oh I know you were just kiddin’ JC!!! I won’t steer him wrong no more!! Honest!!! Of course I’ll tell him about the meetings. Of course I’ll tell him about the books he has to read. Of course I’ll tell him about having to listen to lectures 24/7 multiplied by how many people he made listen all those years. Hummmmm and you say this is heaven?”

Chapter 40 

“Well I’ll be the son of an unemployed masseuse!!! If it ain’t my yungun’ ole Teddy boy!!! Garner Ted in the flesh…. Ahhh… errrr… ummmm I mean …. What the hell you doin’ here boy? This is HEAVEN!!! Well… that’s what these good folks call this hell-hole. It was more fun bangin’ those co-eds on campus… if ya know what I mean…. Heh heh … Keep a log, son?

“YEAH!!! I was just kiddin’! Damn it! Have to be so serious?!! No!! I was NOT confusing YOUR behavior with MINE! You KNOW I had to keep my flog log. Heh heh… who else woulda? Heh heh… Chip off the old block… the nut doesn’t fall far from the tree or sumpthin’ like that… oh yeah… I remember now… “A good tree cannot produce bad fruit and a bad tree cannot produce good fruit”… so to hell with fruit I say!!!

“So this is IT son! That FRUITcake in the sky… That GRAND world tomorrow we’ve been preachin’ about ad nausea, only we ain’t the big CHEESE we thought we were going to be… Damn!

“If you haven’t noticed yet, old J.C. himself traipses around here in his sandals and robes like he owns the place!!! Oh hi J.C… I was just talkin’ ‘bout choo to my son here… this is Ted. Oh, you know Ted… heh heh…. Chip off the old block you say… different than Richard… more corrupted… more time with the old man you say… Dang it J.C., you’re hurtin’ my feelin’s!!! Makin’ me out to be such a bad guy when all I wanted was a little fun!!! At whose expense you ask? Well… a man has to tithe anyway, so why not to ME? I was a damn good Apostle until old Joe stole my baton. That old scalawag!!! Oh hi there Joe, speak of the devil… heh heh… remember Ted?

“Oh we have to show Ted the ropes now? Ok… let’s see… be careful what you wish for son. Here you just say something and wooshhhhh….. you’re comin’ or goin’ faster’n you know what to hang onto. Here… hang on and we’ll go for a spin…. I’ll show you some of the scenery… Oh come on J.C…. I wouldn’t lead him astray! Not AGAIN!!! You know me better than that! Oh…… STOP LAUGHING!!! Dammit J.C. It isn’t THAT funny. Ted. Get up! I said get up!!! Quit rollin’ on the ground! Damn I don’t get no respect!!!

“You’ll get the hang of it, son. Just follow me. Oh… look out!!! Damn that Treschak. You’d think he had something better to do now that he’s dead. At least he could HAUNT somebody. Instead he snoops. I guess I’ll never get away from the damn snoop!!! There… he’s gone. We gave him the slip…

“Dammit John!!! Do you have to sneak up behind an old man? You could have given me a heart attack! Whatda you mean NO HEART? Dammit John. You’re not being very nice. Even after I offered to take you out for all the pork chops you could eat.

“Ahhh Shit, Ted… now you know where I spent my Sabbath mornings. Yeah… right in the best restaurants in Pasadena… having pork chops for breakfast while you and all the other subordinates had to preach … and eat kosher. Now I eat CROW…. FEATHERS and all… Damn!!!

“I get no respect. Just like old Rodney Dangerfield…another newcomer I ran into the other day… Only he got paid for being a comedian. Here I just get laughed at. STOP Laughing Ted!!! It ain’t THAT funny…

“Looks like our tour is about to begin… hang on. Things really get interesting Ted, old boy. We get to see lots of old… uh… er… friends… and ah er.. not so friendly folks. Some of those we screwed-over are not too happy with us. We’ll be gone a just a little while cuz here there’s no time. NO. I didn’t mean we won’t have time. We DON’T have time. There is no such thing here. We are simply HERE in ETERNITY.

“Quite a tour, huh? Ted. How’d ya like that that Library of Knowledge. Bigger than Ambassador Auditorium!!! Oh for crying out loud would you get load of the newcomer!! Hey!!!!! Herman!!! Hey you old son-of-a gun… Dam!!! Hey… Hermie Hey…!!! You old history buff!!! How the hell are you? We musta been gone awhile cuz you weren’t here when we left… I was just givin’ the grand tour to old Ted here… ya know… the chip off the old block. Lets all go out for supper!!! I’ll spring for the pork chops!! Ya… we eat a lot-of-em here Hermie!!!

“Hail, hail, the gang’s all here…all my original evangelists ‘cept for ole Rod. Merrily merrily merrily-dith… heh heh… he’s still preachin’ that old gospel gobbledygook… just like I taught him!!! Heh heh… Old Ray Cole, met up with him the other day. We had quite a visit. I never knew that he was… Oh hell… I’m just happy to see you old boy!!! Get set to do a lot of reading. Old J.C. here is just full of ‘suggestions’ for us to get our act together, as he puts it. Oh… here he is now… be careful what you say… it’s like an invitation for them to drop in. Faster than the speed of THOUGHT… and whishhhhhhhh….. you got company!!!

“Yippie!!! Yippie!!! Yippie!!! All my old cronies are here now and we can all go out on a bender and……………. Oh? the hell you say, J.C. We’re going to do some community service? We’re going to be doing some reading? We have a whole bibliography to cover??? We’re going to be re-educating ourselves before we get recycled… RECYCLED???!!! Oh that horrible word again!!! I don’t want to go back!!! Not if I have to be…FEMALE!!!! BLACK??!!! Oh!!! … You’re going to send us ALL back… SOON… to deepest Africa??? To learn how it feels to be on the other end of the spectrum of the haves verses have-NOTS. We’re all going to be HAVE-NOTS…

“Damn books!!! Eyes are crossed! I’m hungry!!! Musta spent a damn year in that library just crusin’ through those volumes!!! More than my six months in-depth study of the Bible back in the forties when I was creating my smorgasbord religion to sucker in the dumb sheep. A little o’ this and a little o’ that… sure was lucrative… wasn’t it guys… hey.. What’s going on? Whatda ya mean we just had “our millennium”? Whatda ya mean life as we know it is over? Whatda ya mean where we’re going we will learn what it’s like to be oppressed, hungry, brutalized, victimized, women? Where’d you say we were headed, J.C.?

“Oh I don’t wanna gooooooooooooooooooooo………………… Oh shit!!! It’s dark in here… what are those noises? Drums? …hmmmm …”your momma don’t dance and your daddy don’t rock ‘n roll…” la de dahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Oh Oh… “What Do You Mean, Born Again?”… Guess I got it all wrong… Here I go againnnnnnnnnnn……”


Patricia Ann Laessig © 1999-2005
The above article is strictly a satire, based on the teachings of Herbert W. Armstrong and his evangelists and cohorts. For more information and his “Plain Truth” legacy, check out the “Painful Truth” website.


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