“Why I Don’t Celebrate Christmas”

Remember back in your school days that there were kids who didn’t celebrate Christmas? Maybe you were one.

Mr. Thompson: Now Billy will tell us what he is going to do over the holidays. Billy…

Billy: My family and I don’t celebrate Christmas because Mr. Armstrong said it was pagan. My minister at church says that Christmas really isn’t celebrating the birthday of Jesus, but that it is Satan’s holiday. And that Jesus was not even born in the winter season!

We don’t exchange gifts either because the wise men only gave gifts to baby Jesus. Our minister says we should give to God by sending extra money to the church instead.

Mr. Thompson: (Interrupting) Billy, this is suppose to be about what your going to do during the holidays! Continue please…

Billy: Ok Mr Thompson. My family and me are going to meet our church friends to celebrate our winter holiday. It is lots of fun playing with my friends. My dad gets to meet with the other dads over in the bar. They have lots of fun in there but my dad will probably get angry again. We don’t have the kind of fun that other people do by celebrating Christmas. There will be a tree at the winter holiday, but we don’t put it up. The other people don’t know that they celebrate Nimrod the mighty hunter against the Lord birthday. They hang up ornaments of angels on trees that represent dead babies. The other ornaments on the tree are Nimrods Testicles! Did you know that on Nimrods birthday the pagan people used to feed babies to the fire? It’s true and….

Mr. Thompson: (Interrupting again) Billy, that is horrible! Who teaches that kind of stuff to you??? Your parents?

Billy: Oh no Mr. Thompson, our church teaches us God’s word. It’s in the bible. Mr. Armstrong was God’s apostle and a special prophet and God taught him this stuff! He told us that Santa really is another name for Satan.

The audience is now in shock at this point….

Mr. Thompson: (Interrupting a third time) Billy, don’t you keep those Jewish days as a holiday? Do you know where they came from?

Billy: Yes Mr. Thompson. God gave them to ancient Israel. They were God’s special people and our church is descendants of them and the promises God made.

Mr. Thompson: Billy, those “holidays” that your family celebrates are also of pagan origin. Did you know that? In the old times, ancient Canaanite festivals were adopted just as Christmas was adopted centuries ago. These ancient Israelite festivals have Canaanite origins, and I can prove this because of the agricultural characteristics and because some ancient Israelite months have the same names as the Canaanite months for their own religious purposes. So you see Billy, all festivals are pagan. It is just in what spirit you keep them in. Remember, it is all about our attitude when…

Billy: (Interrupting) But Mr. Thompson, my family is part of God’s true church and God cannot lie!

Mr. Thompson: (Patience running thin) Billy, I know that you mom and dad keep Thanksgiving, don’t they? Is that also pagan?

Billy: No Mr. Thompson, it’s all right to keep Thanksgiving because God inspired Thomas Jefferson and Mr. Franklin to write our constitution. That means it is all right with God!

Mr. Thompson: (Sighing) Billy, the founders were mostly atheists. Did you know that? How did you pass your history class last year???

Billy: I don’t know…

Mr. Thompson: And for your information, Thanksgiving also has it’s origins in paganism. European harvest festivals copied and adopted by the new Americans.

Billy: Well, we don’t practice drunkenness and gluttony like everyone else does! And we don’t promote idolatry by having Christmas trees in our houses. Jeremiah 10 says “Do not learn the ways of the nations, the practices of the peoples are worthless. They cut a tree out of the forest, and a craftsman makes it with his chisel. The people decorate it with silver and gold. They nail it with a hammer so it will not fall over. Their idols cannot speak and they must be carried.” So you can see Mr. Thompson, Christmas trees are pagan!

Mr. Thompson: Billy! Jeremiah is condemning idolatry! The people back then made little statues of their gods! That passage you remembered so well is not talking about Christmas trees, but idols!

An idol is an image or other object representing a deity to which religious worship is addressed or any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion. What did you say the name was of your churches apostle?

Billy: (Looking down at the floor) Mr. Armstrong.

Mr. Thompson: Very well Billy. You may sit down and we will hear something from another student that may well be more uplifting and intelligent. Go on, sit! Mary, will you come up here and tell us what you will be doing this holiday season….