Tag: Armstrongism

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Lost Prophecy

Churches of God and Their Lost Prophecies. Click to enlarge.

Here we are 7 years later at the anniversary of the first one and a second hurricane has been battering New Orleans. The Armstrongists are delighted at the death, destruction, devastation of the “sinners” being punished as being the descendants of a Lost Tribe of Israel who are not obeying God. It would seem like a fulfilled prophecy of some sort, but it just isn’t. In fact, it’s worse than a false prophecy from false prophets — it’s lost prophecy.

 Amos 3:7

Surely the Lord GOD will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets.

God did nothing to reveal much of anything to the Armstrongists claiming to be His servants — whether they claimed to be prophets, End Time Apostles or mere Evangelists and bungled future news entirely, signing the prognostications “In Jesus’ Name”. One would think that Christ would be mighty irritated with those who claimed to speak in his name and gave false prophecies.

But it’s worse than just being a false prophet with these bottom feeding losers: They lost the prophecies they should have made.

Sure, it’s bad enough to claimed that the United States and British Commonwealth would lose World War II and be taken off radio by the United States Government until things were sort of sorted out. It’s really bad to come out with a booklet in 1956 called, 1975 in Prophecy, claiming that end time events would lead to the return of Jesus Christ by the mid 1970s. It’s terrible for Roderick Meredith to be a false prophet for over half a century and predict the horrible events to happen in the next decade in 1962 of famine, floods, drought and be completely wrong about it. Yes, Ronald Weinland is not called Rotten Ronnie without reason with his spectacular failed prophecies, written in a book and quite specific, all to fail. It was a terrible mistake to predict for Herbert Armstrong to predict that Mussolini was going to be the Beast Dictator of Revelation fame, but when Mussolini died, Herbert had to move on to Hitler. World War II came and went and so did the Beasts of that era. The next biggie became Franz Josef Strauss (embarrassing because he paid Ambassador College Pasadena a visit and certain materials had to be hidden from view). Then Otto von Hapsburg became the next favorite, but, alas, he seems to have died too. Gerald Flurry has favored Edmund Stoiber, but that seems to have also gone the way of all flesh — at least as far as prophecy has gone. There was even a second Italian candidate in the past Millennium, whose name is lost. The latest incarnation of the Beast of Revelation before the third coming of Christ is Baron Karl zu Guttenberg proclaimed by Robert Thiel of the Living Church of God.

Some of these gems get lost. For example, in the Plain Truth, February 1965 on Page 48, in the article, Religious Martyrs, Roderick Meredith confidently proclaims:

Frankly, literally dozens of prophesied events indicate that this final revival of the Roman Empire in Europe–and its bestial PERSECUTION of Bible-believing Christians–will take place in the next seven to ten years of YOUR LIFE!

He also prophesied that the Pope would resurrect Hitler.

Now there’s something we bet that he’d like to take off his resume!

There are dozens of false prophecies which have fallen flat.

Herbert Armstrong said, “Prove us wrong and we will change!”. He was proved wrong. He never changed: Yet another false prophecy, indicative of the level of integrity of the ravenous wolf parading in sheep’s clothing (in this case, a carefully tailored $1,200+ Armani Suit). I have more confidence in chicken entrails and casting runes.

But what of the lost prophecy of significant world events which actually happened which were never prophesied by the Armstrongists?

There was that Six Day War of June 1967: The Jews claimed some important real estate. Certainly, God would have been interested in that and told his prophets, the Armstrongists. But no, alas, God had to keep it a secret so it would succeed, not that anyone would have believed Herbert Armstrong and his pathetic Myrmidons, mind you. They just didn’t get it! In a hilarious irony, Herbert Armstrong had negotiated an exclusive contract with the Jordanian Government for the broadcast of The World Tomorrow from Jerusalem, but the Six-Day War aborted the contract when Israel seized both sectors of the city. I guess God just didn’t have the time to warn Herbert after all that negotiation with Jordan would be completely pointless and his crowing about being to go forth from Jerusalem went up in so much smoke. No really — smoke! There didn’t seem to be a way to slip a semi-Christian Yahweh past the Israelis. Perhaps, God was protecting them from yet another false prophet. It’s understandable, though, that Herbert Armstrong would miss out on prophesying this, since the Plain Truth Magazine in 1965 said that east Jerusalem would remain in Gentile hands until Christ’s coming.

The fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989 was sorely missed by the Armstrongists. Assuredly, after predicting that Germany would rise again and be reunited, one would think that God would have revealed the obvious, but, again, alas, no.

Long before the Soviet Union fell and the Union of the Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) dissolution on December 25th, 1991, one would have thought that the WCG would have been able to predict the event. In fact, so pathetic is Armstrongism, that it failed to predict the dissolution of the WCG itself less than a decade later. One would have thought that the WCG would have been able to foresee that, but sadly not. Maybe it’s a Mayan Calendar thing — the Mayans weren’t able to see their disappearance either, apparently, but here the whole world seems intent in believing that they could predict the end of the world in December 2012. What’s with that? Even Bob Thiel knows better, and that’s saying a lot, what with the rise of his secret sect and all. Herbert Armstrong said shortly before his death that “If this church is God’s only true church on earth today the gates of hell can not prevail against it!” We’re not sure about hell, but the WCG didn’t survive the Tkaches.

For an ever amusing look at failed prophecy, one should not miss Garner Ted Armstrong’s “Fifty Years of Warning”. Someone should have warned GTA that he would be on television and not in a good way. Not to put too fine a point on it, the legacy has pretty much ended, except it still lurches along like a zombie under the care of his son. Some warning: None of it is true and nothing like that is going to happen… ever.

The fave of all time is September 11, 2001. Just before this day, the United Church of God, an International Association minister, flew out to Tacoma to give a sermon about “Tipping over the Barrel” to chastise the couple who was suffering from a stalker in the UCG for considering getting a restraining order in court. He thundered on (or is that droned) in that church daylight basement about how the United States was going to have its “barrel tipped over” and so would any rebellious recalcitrant church members who did not fall in line with the Home Office. He shook my hand after services and pretended he didn’t know who I was, when we both knew perfectly well, he did. Again — and this is probably the biggest example of Lost Prophecy ever — the Armstrongists missed what came just 4 days later. They didn’t hint at it and they didn’t have a clue. [He went on to be a part of the formation of the CoGWA.] In the interest of full disclosure, and considering the dictum to mark those who cause division, although his immediately preceding paternal ancestry cannot be verified confidently, he is of Italian extraction, but the specifics of the kennel in which he originated is beyond our ken.

My friend from IBM helping to install LINUX on the IBM Mainframe at Pierce County and I were up late Sunday night into the wee hours of Monday Morning and came in late to the County-City Building to continue the install. We were puzzled by the long lines by the door going through security. I had identification which should normally allow me into the premises, but this particular day, I had to go through the metal detector and my stuff was xrayed. It took awhile. We found out what all the fuss was when we entered the computer center where my colleagues were watching the news live on television. We were all in shock. Flights were cancelled and grounded for several days (except for 400 flights for the children of Arab leaders of oil countries). The atmosphere had significantly less pollution in that short week as a result of a reduction of jet exhaust reaching the ozone layer.

We also remember the transformation of the assault upon the United States and the rest of the world: The economy took a really big hit; bigger though, was the impact that American citizens could no longer feel safe in a way never anticipated.

Security in airports made flying a drudge rather than a joy. We have never been the same or even close to it.

And the Armstrongists predicted none of it: They aren’t just late to the party, they missed the boat entirely!

So here we are: Hurricane Isaac hits New Orleans exactly seven years after Hurricane Katrina. I remember the Feast that year, especially since the hotel where I was staying, had a family who had fled Katrina and stayed there in the hotel. They were checking out: It was a husband and a wife with their son in his twenties. I overheard them and their angst. They were not certain whether or not any of their home had survived and looked forward to rebuilding it and their lives. They were some of those fortunate enough to get away and have enough resources to stay in a nice hotel while the hurricane passed. As a side comment, they did not look or sound particularly evil to me and did not seem to have merited God’s punishment. I was happy that they had as much as they did at the time. Maybe my justice meter is off or something. The Armstrongist god is terribly vengeful. I would not particularly like to get to know him. He seems rather merciless and strict — sort of like Roderick Meredith.

So there you have it. Certainly, there are far more examples of Lost Prophecy on the books. Feel free to add your own. It will be amusing.

We all wonder if Jesus Christ would say to the Armstrongists on his return: “I never knew you”.

Would he be wrong?

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Ezekiel 37

Herbert Likes Ezekiel 37
Herbert Likes Ezekiel 37

I was sitting in the foyer of the hotel where the Feast was being kept last year, just before the “Last Great Day” Sermon was to be preached the next day, when the minister for the site came by on his way up to his room.

We exchanged pleasantries and I queried about the sermon he was planning to preach.

“Oh,” he said, “I like Ezekiel 37”.

“I like Revelation 20,” I said, knowing a few things he did not know at the time.

He replied, “I like Ezekiel 37”.

“I like Revelation 20,” I said.

His final word as he headed upstairs: “I like Ezekiel 37”.

The next day he preached on what a big deal The Last Great day is using Ezekiel 37 (I’ve heard it; it’s rubbish).

I reflected on how set people become in their belief system without ever questioning it, but it’s even worse than that: Herbert Armstrong has so fouled up Scripture with his distorted perceptions that he has ruined Biblical eschatology for believers pretty much for the rest of their lives. The problem is that he managed to make a link to totally disparate verses to make the Bible say what it does not say. At the same time, even though those who leave the Armstrongist community never manage to figure out what is screwed up and never seem to come up with cogent reasons why even believers should not retain the heresies taught by Herbert Armstrong.

Now some who left and are not believers may not think it makes any difference to them personally any more, but within the deep dark shadows of the back alleys of the mind, there are cobwebs with inconvenient lies lurking.

Besides, we owe believers an explanation why they should not believe this stuff from a Scriptural point of view, out of respect.

Herbert Armstrong managed to link Ezekiel 37 to Revelation 20 to prove — by reason that the Word is to be established in the mouths of two or three witnesses — that the passage is talking about the Second Resurrection at the end of the Millennium. This linkage is fraught with so many wrong assumptions that it is difficult to untangle them and, not having sufficient incentive nor drive to disprove the madness of the false prophet, they meekly let the irrational belief system stand.

The first thing we need to do, if we believe either passage in Scripture (a broad leap for some), is to separate the two passages completely and accept the possibility that they not just aren’t related to each other in any way, but don’t mean the same thing at all.

Fortunately, we have the help of the K & D commentary:

The calling to life of the thoroughly dried dead bones shown to the prophet in the vision, is a figure or visible representation of that which the Lord announces to him in Ezekiel_37:11-14, namely, that He will bring Israel out of its graves, give it life with His breath, and bring it into its own land; and consequently a figure of the raising of Israel to life from its existing state of death.

Darby comments:

It is the resurrection of the nation, which was really dead and buried. But God opens their graves, and places them again in their land restored to life as a nation.

JFB brings the issue into sharp focus:

out of your graves

— out of your politically dead state, primarily in Babylon, finally hereafter in all lands (compare Ezekiel_6:8; Hosea_13:14). The Jews regarded the lands of their captivity and dispersion as their “graves”; their restoration was to be as “life from the dead” (Romans_11:15). Before, the bones were in the open plain (Ezekiel_37:1-2); now, in the graves, that is, some of the Jews were in the graves of actual captivity, others at large but dispersed. Both alike were nationally dead.

The situation was this: The people of Israel were in captivity and some of them were dispersed among the nations. The people in captivity considered that the land of Israel itself was “dead” full of dried bones. Ezekiel offers them hope that life would be restored to the Land of Israel.

Thus the passage in its context is not talking about a general resurrection of the dead, but a prophesy that the nation in the Land of Israel would be restored — it had nothing to do with people of the earth being resurrected at the end of the millennium. In fact, since most of Israel was in captivity, the restoration of Israel as a nation is what would have made sense to them in context. Ezekiel was attempting to encourage the people that they would return to Palestine and Israel would be “resurrected”. Given their state in Babylon, the proposition that all of humanity was being resurrected to the time of the Second Resurrection would neither be relevant, nor would it make any sense to them in context. Why would they care?

But Herbert Armstrong had an agenda: He had to set up a scenario that would coincide with the Feast Days in order to keep his followers enslaved to a tithing system based on the Old Covenant — while being seriously warped in concept — for his own benefit.

The prophecy in Ezekiel 37, such as it was, was actually fulfilled under the Reign of Darius around 538 B.C. when the Israelites began returning to their homeland.

Herbert Armstrong needed this passage in order to hold together various non fitting parts of his religion. There is no such thing as three tithes — in fact, the words “second tithe” and “third tithe” do not appear in Scripture. He had to justify the keeping of the Feast of Tabernacles and the Last Great Day of the Feast. He put together a scenario to “prove” his position in order to keep people enslaved to his ideas which don’t really have Scriptural support nor are they particularly relevant to the broad spectrum of modern Christians. At best, keeping the Feast may be a blessing, but certainly would not be if it were a vehicle for doomsday sermons based on British Israelism. It depends entirely upon whether a person is seeking “spiritual” content or is focused on the physical and social aspects of a Church Corporate Symposium (Symposium — from the Greek word meaning “drinking party”, which, from all accounts, is truly relevant to the Armstrongist Churches of God). It’s a church convention that precludes the possibility of a true family vacation, since, for the wage earner, there is neither vacation time, nor money, to do both. For retired people on pensions on which tithes (remembering that tithes are payed on produce, not wages) have already been paid, keeping the Feast is doubly problematic. Nevertheless, your current End Time Apostle must be kept in the lifestyle of an Oriental Potentate: It is a moral imperative (one wonders at the personal moral imperatives ignored by such a proposition — namely, one who does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel).

Now it is the case that by analogy, in the spirit of things, Armstrongists would like to see their own private version of Ezekiel 37 come to pass: Herbert Armstrong’s dried bones having sinews and flesh restored to them, having him set on his feet in very ample flesh in the midst of Ambassador College — to stand again and take control as the End Time Apostle and false prophet of the Worldwide Church of God and the A.C. Campus, yelling and shouting obstreperously about the restoration of all his things, shaking his jowels and declaring a restitution of his power, money and ego to their former glory and prominence. They want to see “The Plain Truth” once again, in glorious color in their newsstands and see Armstrong making “The World Tomorrow” yet again. That isn’t going to happen, but it would be glorious: The war between him and his former evangelists still standing would not be so much as terribly entertaining. If you think he had issues with Roderick Meredith before — this would be World War III. Of some, such as Ronald Weinland and Gerald Flurry, he would say, “I never knew you” and their kingdoms would collapse… I think. Even if it were to happen, we’re pretty sure it wouldn’t be from God.

So you have a lot to think about.

The minister liked Ezekiel 37.

I like Revelation 20.

Especially the part about Satan being released to be present during the Second Resurrection to tempt the people of the earth.

That’s the part that’s easy to miss if you try to make Ezekiel 37 mean something it never said.

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America’s Not the Greatest Country Any Longer?

I found this video on the Internet after a friend sent it to me. The idea of America being a great nation because of Gods blessings is what the Armstrongist teach. Its a damnable lie.

If this nation is looking damn rough around the edges it is because we have adopted policies that prove to be detrimental to the health of America and the futures of its people.

The continued adoption of failed policies from other failed/failing states outside the USA (Europe) is based on the concept of creating a more just and equitable society. What these policy really do is tear down the fabric of our society, create division and promoting class warfare.  Its the “us” vs “them” mentality.

As in any cult, this is a valuable tool to create a class of supporters in which you can depend on for continual support.  The sycophants of Armstrongism base their arguments that God is doing all this damage due to our “sins”, sabbath breaking, gay marriage, and other points of dribble.

What really is going on in this nation is a form of tribalism. Divide and conquer the hearts of men, force them into a mold. Create classes of people that makes them feel special. And then vote for the master. Sound familiar? Politicians and Priests. Same sorry sacks of shit presiding in different piles.

Enjoy!

Why America isn’t the greatest country in the world anymore.

Index of Economic Freedom.